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BUD

by grace bloom

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1.
nothing left 03:46
long ago and oh so far away you had me fooled pleaded to me that you made a mistake crawl under the sheets hold me tight so i can't escape stuck in your arms can't let go so i suffocate you're a super star can't believe i let it go so far i have nothing left cracked shells won't make me forget the screaming from your diaphragm left me questioning who i really am pry my legs open all you need me for you say without me you will be no more you're a super star can't believe i let it go so far i have nothing left cracked shells won't make me forget you don't own me no please you never loved me just touched me i was left without flesh to hold me, please hold me please leave me alone
2.
shaking on the street lost my sanctity a choking feeling like someone's behind me let's make out and watch animal house i own a vhs copy lets make out wear my blouse you threw up on my tv dirty grout beneath my feet please don't come for me in the bathtub or i will surely slip and break my teeth lets make out and watch animal house i own a vhs copy lets make out wear my blouse you went swimming in your jeans you were eating salad in my dreams gap tooth, you're sweaty i wish you didn't scare me making out watching animal house i own a vhs copy lets make out are you in my house i don't know what to believe
3.
i remember when you said my name so absent was the disdain that i was accustomed to i get flustered when i think of you stare into pale blue eyes i miss you to my surprise with you there's nothing i lack please can you come crack my back in isolation baby i was your leading lady put on my clothes and dance with me i'll study your body's topography listening to pale blue eyes i'll miss you so now i'll cry with you there's nothing i lack i'll pop the zits on your back this is a really hard time without you here the world feels unkind i have no idea what lies ahead all i know is i want to lay in your bed
4.
wish you didn't move on so easily second guessing every word you said to me did you love me or was it just a fallacy don't even know what you've done to me deluded in a fantasy can't place myself in reality i wish you didn't mean that much to me i didn't mean that much to you clearly you threw me away, pushed me out the backseat you're unfazed by life without me you don't miss sleeping next to me you didn't even care open wounds, my blood was everywhere i needed you to hold my hand you ran away, and never looked back spit out that cup of tea im trying to find my ground in accepting im too overwhelming im sorry that i pushed you to leave you threw me away, pushed me out the backseat you're unfazed by life without me you don't miss sleeping next to me you threw me away i knew you wouldn't stay
5.
creeping in her drive way is not a healthy way to say that you love me catch you waiting day after day, just waisting away i have nothing more to say sorry to ignore it wasn't you behind the basement door i don't know who i am anymore cast in a role i've played before i am weathered from existing as an object for viewing pleasure no more autonomy no thoughts in my head to think just a body why can't anybody hear me sorry to ignore it wasn't you behind the basement door i don't know who i am anymore cast in a role i've played before living a life i've lived before
6.
trippin at the taj mahal echoes ring right through the halls through the halls i'm good i'm just confused is all trippin at the taj mahal hearing voices through the walls through the walls its good its just my mood is all not allowed to say i don't feel right makes me want to say what i feel like i need a cigarette to raise me now i need familiar sheets to lay me down i need a cigarette to raise me now i don't know what i need
7.
talking heads tattoo you always see things through the weight on your shoulders doesn't weigh you down at all quiet loving confidence unapologetic too lost, little people find their home with you why do we hate all that is unknown when it's our very nature all we've ever known always running from a change it never feels strange when consistency is broken i want to run away maybe i'll try inhalants to feel something new do you want to sit with me and huff some glue?

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released January 8, 2021

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grace bloom Chicago, Illinois

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